


Halloween

by HelgaStillwell



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Birthday Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Hell Trauma, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Past Drug Use, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Relationship Problems, Relationship(s), Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23915152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelgaStillwell/pseuds/HelgaStillwell
Summary: Nick had tried to stay away from Sabrina for the last six months, having thought he had to return to normal before he reconciled their relationship. Now, having learned that normal after Hell may not be what normal was before, he showed up at her door, just as broken and alone as when he left, unable to stay away from her any longer. Expecting rejection and heartache, Nick finds something else in his conversation with Sabrina.
Relationships: Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a couple of other chapters I'm working on for this right now. I have some idea where I'm going with it but idk. Let me know what you think

Early on October 31st, the morning of Sabrina Spellman's seventeenth birthday, a young warlock paced the jack-o'-lantern lined porch of the Spellman Sister's Mortuary. The breeze blowing against his cheeks was crisp but the frost sprinkled over the grass was just starting to melt from the warmth of the morning sun. He ran his fingers through his dark hair nervously and muttered to himself running through what he wanted to say. Nicholas Scratch used to be the type of person who always knew what to say, but things were different now. He was different now. He'd run the situation through his mind a thousand times trying to figure out every possible scenario. Unfortunately, he did not possess the gifts required to see the future, so his practice would only get him so far.

Before Nick could build up the courage to knock, the door swung open, and he and Hilda both jumped in surprise. “I'm so sorry I startled you, Ms. Spellman. I was just about to knock,” he quickly apologized.

“Oh not to worry dearest. Here to see Sabrina?” she asked in her usual cheerful manner, though she hadn't always been so kind to Nick. He used to get the impression that she didn't trust him, and getting caught shirtless in Sabrina's tub hadn't helped his image. She used to have a certain bite behind her cheery tone with him when he and Sabrina had first started dating, but she treated Nick differently upon his return from Hell. He supposed sacrificing himself for her niece was enough to earn some amount of fondness for him.

“Yes, but I didn't tell her I was coming.”

“Well, I'm sure that's all right. I just have to pop out for a moment so why don't you go on inside and you can knock on her door, okay love?”

Nick breathed a small sigh of relief, “Thank you, Ms. Spellman. I'll see you later.”

“Okay, dear. Bye now!” She called, before the heavy door slammed behind her, echoing throughout the parlor. His relief faded as suddenly as it had appeared staring up at the stairs with dread in his gut. The walk to Sabrina's room had never felt so short. Before Nick knew it, he was stalling outside her door. A slow old tune drifted through, carrying the sound Sabrina's sweet voice with it. The song sounded like one his parents might have played as they sat and read by the fire in their living room when he was a little boy. He would sit nearby, playing, or reading when he was a bit older. The memory brought a small smile to his lips and a stroke of bravery to his heart, but it was the sound of her voice that made him knock. It was the memory of the first time he saw her in choir class that had his knuckles tapping twice on her bedroom door before he could change his mind.

The next few seconds dragged on too long for Nick's liking. Every footstep toward the door caused a pang of anxiety in his chest and his breath caught in his throat as he watched the handle slowly turn and the door open.

“Nick?” Sabrina asked. Already dressed for the day, she wore a button-up dress and long, over the knee socks but it seemed like she wasn't done getting ready. Her hair was slightly unkempt and lacking its usual headband. Maybe he stared a second too long though because she seemed to remember and ran her fingers through it quickly to fix it.

“Hey, Spellman,” Nick said meekly.

“What're you doing here?”

“I uh, have something for you. Sorry, I probably should have called but I don't really have a phone at the Academy, so I thought about astral projecting but then I wouldn't have been able to knock, sorry. Anyway, happy birthday,” Nick rambled losing the sense of bravery he had only moments ago. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his boots. He really hoped that this went well.

“It's okay. You just surprised me. I thought you were one of my aunties,” Sabrina explained, as she stepped aside and gestured for him to enter. With a flick of her wrist, the music died down to a soft lull. Nick was acutely aware of how out of place he felt. Normally he'd take a seat on her bed or her vanity chair, but instead, he settled for standing awkwardly by her dresser, wordlessly handing her the gift bag he'd walked in with. She set down the bag speckled with stars and topped with glittery tissue paper, lifting a deep cherry wood box out , placing it on the bed next to her. It was engraved with satanic markings and sigils. She carefully undid the small pentagram latch and pushed the lid open. Inside were at least a dozen leather-bound books. She picked one up and immediately recognized it for what it was, Edward Spellman's journals. She looked at them in awe and asked in confusion, “How did you get these?”

“Well with the collapse of the church of night and all, the academy library isn't exactly strict with its check out policy these days.” Sabrina chuckled softly still looking over the journals. “I just thought that if anyone should have them, it should be you. Happy birthday, Spellman.”

“Thank you. This means a lot to me, Nick,” she said gesturing for him to sit down next to her on her bed.

“You're welcome,” he said sitting down close to her but not too close, feeling his heart hammering in his throat now that pleasantries were out of the way.

“Can we talk about-”

“I wanted to talk about-” they both started at the same time.

"Sorry," Nick mumbled.

“What are the chances we want to talk about the same thing?” Sabrina asked with a half-smile.

“I'd say pretty high.”

“Can I go first? There's something I need to tell you,” Sabrina said, making Nick's stomach drop out from under him.

“Of course,” he said trying to keep his voice steady despite the lump forming in his throat.

“I keep thinking about our fight at the Academy. The one about Caliban,” she started. Nick grimaced at the memory unsure which of his outbursts were worse, the Academy or the woods. The things he said in the woods were far crueler, but he also still had the residue in him. The fight at the Academy wasn't as bad, but he had no one else to blame for that but himself.

“I was thinking about what I said , that I've never lied to you,” she said unexpectedly. “I realize now that that isn't true and it wasn't fair of me to act like you were the only one that messed up. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” Nick said almost wanting to laugh at her admittance of such a small transgression by comparison. “I messed up far more than you did.”

“That's not the point. If I hadn't lied to you after we found the prophecy then none of this would have happened. You begged me not to do anything rash and I promised you I wouldn't but I almost immediately broke that promise. It was stupid and selfish and I'm sorry. I just keep thinking that if I hadn't lied to you then maybe none of this would have happened.”

“Sabrina you can't think like that,” he said placing a hand over hers. “I understand why you did. You were scared and take it from an expert, we all do stupid selfish shit when we're scared but you can't change the past, Spellman.”

“About that,” she said trailing off. “There's something else I wanted to tell you.” Sabrina took a deep breath before launching into her story of how the apocalypse happened the first time around. She told Nick about Caliban trapping her in stone and the pagans taking over the Earth. How she somehow saved herself just to find everyone long dead. “I saw you, Nick, turned to stone. You were with my friends at the carnival, trying to save them. Your hands were still frozen mid spell and I wasn't there. I failed you, all of you. Ambrose found me and helped me go back to try again. That's how I was able to show up before the pagans did at Harvey's.”

Nick opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him saying, “Wait, there's more. I may have done something really crazy when I closed the time loop. Like really crazy.”

“That's saying a lot, coming from you. What happened?” Nick asked hesitantly, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

Sabrina took a deep breath and said, “Instead of going back to the right time, I went and stopped myself from getting trapped so that it never happened in the first place and then instead of merging, I sort of suggested that we didn't. Instead, she went back to Hell with the regalia to become queen and I came back to Earth.”

This visit did not go anything as Nick had planned. He prepared himself for tears, fighting, rejection, or even a door slamming in his face, but not this. “So there are two of you?”

“Technically, yes.”

Nick opened his mouth twice to speak but changed his mind before shaking his head and laughing in disbelief, “It wouldn't be the first time you've created a paradox, Spellman. You did bring yourself back from the dead.”

“You're not mad?”

“What you did was insane, to say the least, but I've tried being mad at you and I'm not very good at it. I just really miss you.”

“I miss you too, Nick.” She said leaning toward him, her wide eyes glancing at his mouth. He'd be lying if he said he didn't do the same with the blood-red lips in front of him, but there was still too much between them. There was still too much that needed to be said.

Nick's heart was pounding in his chest and his head felt light being so close to her again. Reluctantly he leaned away saying, “I don't want there to be any more secrets between us, Sabrina. I think you deserve an explanation for everything, from the beginning if that's okay?”

“Of course.”

“The Dark Lord first came to me the day after you arrived at the Academy. I didn't sneak Edward's journal out of the library. He showed up in my room that night and gave it to me, telling me I had to give it to you and get close to you. At first, I didn't try to resist him because he wasn't asking me to do anything I didn't want to do. I already wanted to get to know you, but the more I did, the more I realized that my feelings for you were more than a crush. He got difficult when I tried to resist, soon after the play.”

“Is that why you were interested in my devotions that night?”

“Yes. I still didn't know why he wanted me to get close to you but once we kissed it felt wrong. I knew I was falling in love with you and couldn't keep betraying you to him. I tried to resist but I wasn't very successful. He released Amalia as a punishment. I didn't know until after you had to, you know,” he said looking away.

“I'm so sorry he did that Nick.”

“I nearly got both of us killed, so I didn't try to fight him again until the Acheron,” he said stalling. There was a long pause between them as Nick tried to think of how to bring up what they both knew was coming next. “I-I'm not sure I'm ready to talk any more about what happened when I was in Hell, but I do want to talk about what happened when I got back.”

This was the part Nick had been dreading. He wrung his hands together and explained, “I started drinking and doing drugs after our run-in with Agatha and Dorcas. From then on I was basically trashed the entire time. I just couldn't... I couldn't handle being sober. His presence was too strong and too painful. I needed to be numb and with the residue in me it was nearly impossible to resist all of my worst impulses.”

Nick paused feeling his cheeks flame in embarrassment. He couldn't meet Sabrina's eyes as he continued, “I cheated on you twice. I went back to Dorian's after the carnival instead of going home. The next day I did the same thing, which is when you were there.”

He would never forget the look of betrayal on her face and even worse was the wounded tone in her voice. The meaning of words was firm, but they shook in her delivery as her lip quivered. She'd held back her tears, but she couldn't stop them from gripping at her throat before fleeing the room. Nick sighed, “I'm so sorry that you had to see that, Sabrina. I really am sorry, and I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I'm still not sure how much of that was me. Sometimes it seemed like I was doing things before I could even think but other times my decisions felt deliberate.”

“Nick you were still possessed. I don't think you were in charge of your actions.”

“Maybe, but the things I did were things I would do, things that I have done before,” he said remembering his despicable reaction to getting expelled from the Academy and it’s similarities to his drunken post-Acheron outbursts.

“Nick, you tried to saw your own foot off and freed Lucifer. I'm sure that felt intentional but you weren't in your right mind,” she assured him firmly.

“I don't know, Sabrina,” Nick said shaking his head. “Even if that's true, the way I was acting, it was like the residue amplified all the worst parts of me. Every time I think about what I said to you in the woods... I just-” Nick swallowed the lump in his throat that formed every time he thought about it. “I'm so sorry.”

“You didn't know what you were saying,” she said with a hand on his shoulder.

“But I did,” he said so quietly he wasn't sure she heard him. His vision blurred with tears and guilt weighed in his chest like a heavy stone as she withdrew her touch. “That's not how I feel but I can't say that I've never thought those things, even before the Acheron.”

“I don't understand,” Sabrina frowned, her bushy brows knitting tightly together.

“I mean Lucifer took all my worst thoughts, fears, and insecurities and grew them in the Acheron. That night in the woods, he was so strong, but even if I wasn't in control, the things he said were based on my fears. They originated within me, not him. I was always worried that you'd leave me for Harvey. I know it was unfounded but it was still something I was insecure about, and he took every opportunity to make it worse. It all just came out in the woods, all of my ugliest parts made worse by him, but now I'm just left with these feelings I can't quite separate from my own and I... I just really don't want to hurt you again, Sabrina.”

“You won't Nick. He's gone now and I know what happened was awful and disconcerting, but we all have thoughts and fears we're ashamed of. Having them is not the issue; it's how you act on them. You told me you were worried something was wrong with you and that's why Lucifer was able to control you but you've proven that you're still you over and over again. You died trying to stop the apocalypse and save my friends. You've helped keep the coven safe and reminded me who I was when I needed it the most, even if I didn't listen. That's still the Nicholas Scratch I know.”

“The problem is that I still don't feel like me, Sabrina. Hell changed me and I don't think I can ever go back to normal. Truthfully, I'm not doing very well... I feel like a ghost of myself, like a part of me died in that Acheron,” he finished with a crack in his voice.

Nick looked up to see Sabrina's eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Nick,” she said softly taking his hands in hers. “I'm so sorry. Please tell me if there's anything I can do.”

Nick nodded saying, “I will. I think lately I've just needed someone to talk to. It's been difficult to sort out on my own.”

“I can only imagine. It sounds confusing but I'll always be here for you if you need me,” Sabrina said rubbing his hand gently with her thumb. “I love you, Nick.”

Nick's heart felt lighter than it had in months as he sat on her bed holding her hand, a declaration of love fresh from her crimson lips, their secrets no longer holding them back. The moment couldn't have been better, with a slow pleasant tune even playing in the background. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a sharp knock, and a bubbly voice as Hilda opened the door, “Come on down, love, your breakfast is ready. There's plenty to go around if you wanted to invite anyone else to join,” Hilda chuckled giving Sabrina a suggestive look.

“Thank you, Aunt Hilda I will be right there,” Sabrina replied in all too sweet of a tone while widening her eyes in irritation. Once Hilda's footsteps faded away, Sabrina turned back to Nick asking, “Would you maybe want to stay for breakfast?”

“I'd love to,” he said squeezing her hand. “Besides, how could I say no to the birthday girl?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Sabrina try and pick up their conversation where they left off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, you barely get any of the family breakfast. I tried writing it and it just wasn't happening so I just kind of skimmed over it. Anyway I hope you like it
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> Mentions of non-con elements regarding the residue

In the woods outside the Spellman property, Nick and Sabrina walked a trail littered with brilliantly colored leaves. Bright yellows, reds, and oranges crunched under his boots as a cold breeze blew through the branches, flurrying leaves about like autumn confetti. They had been walking in silence for some time now, close but not touching.  
  
Nick wasn't sure if he should speak first. He didn't know what he would say if he did. He really hadn't expected the morning to go so well, and now that it had, he wasn't sure what to do. He'd stayed for breakfast with her family. Zelda had lowered her newspaper and Ambrose had put his book aside in interest as Sabrina entered the kitchen with Nick trailing closely behind. "I see you got an early present cousin," Ambrose remarked with an amused smirk. Sabrina ignored him and took her seat at the table, motioning for Nick to join her.  
  
Hilda made blueberry pancakes for the special occasion, seeing as they were Sabrina's favorite. Nick rarely had an appetite these days, but he managed to eat a single pancake while he watched Sabrina scarf down three in the same amount of time. Hilda tried several times to put more food on Nick's plate, but he politely declined and lied, saying that he ate before coming over.  
  
When they had finished eating — before the questions could begin — Sabrina quickly asked Nick to join her for a walk. He'd followed her into the woods, assuming she wanted to continue their conversation, but she'd said nothing thus far. How could they pick up where they left off if the last thing she said was "I love you?" Was she waiting for him to say it back? He wanted to, but months had passed since he came back from Hell, and he was still frequently having nightmares and panic attacks. He'd still fall apart at the most inconvenient times, unable to leave his bed for days at a time. Did she deserve that? Would she even want that? Nick was sure he would make a sorry excuse for a boyfriend post-Acheron. He wondered how could he possibly live up to the charming, supportive warlock he had been before.  
  
Part of him supposed he might be a better boyfriend now, without all the lies, but he also knew that the closer he let Sabrina get, the better she would see him. If she got too close, she'd notice all the cracks and damage that hadn't been there before. Then she'd finally see Nick for what he really was:  
  
_Deadweight_  
  
Despite being used to soften the breakup, Nick had meant it when he said he'd only slow Sabrina down. He knew her ambition was unmatched. It was one thing he loved about her, but if they got back together, he feared she'd be more concerned with his problems than hers.  
  
Before he could voice any of these concerns, Sabrina asked, "Why did you come to see me, Nick?"  
  
Nick understood that she was asking where their relationship stood. He was almost certain she was getting around to asking if he still wanted to be just friends. But Nick was constantly second-guessing himself as of late, so he paused for a moment and stalled saying, "I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give you your gift."  
  
"Which you could have done at my party, which you were invited to because we're friends," Sabrina said with a hint of distaste on the final word.  
  
"I'm not sure what you're asking," Nick said, stalling further.  
  
Sabrina stopped in her tracks, facing him. "I mean you came over here, on my birthday, with a beautiful gift, told me you missed me and apologized. Why?"  
  
"I thought you deserved the truth, and I was finally ready to give it to you," Nick answered candidly.  
  
Sabrina pursed her lips and kept walking, frustrated that he kept sidestepping the question. Nick heard her mumble under her breath, but he couldn't quite make out what she said.  
  
He followed behind her, sighing. "Sabrina, I miss you but to be honest I didn't expect our conversation to go the way it did. I came here because I needed to see you. I needed someone to talk to and I trust you. It's just... confusing."  
  
"What's so confusing?" She said with clear frustration in her voice as she stopped to face him. "I still love you, Nick. I just need to know if you feel the same way."  
  
"Of course I do Spellman," he said softly. "How could I not?"  
  
"Then why?" She said trailing off.  
  
"I told you I don't want to hurt you again and I'm afraid that if we get back together I will."  
  
Sabrina shook her head and furrowed her brows as she said, "So let me get this straight, you still just want to be friends, even though we're still in love with each other, and even though everything is out in the open-"  
  
"But it's not everything, Sabrina," Nick said, cutting her off. He sighed and admitted, "There are still things I can't even think about yet, let alone convey to you."  
  
"That's okay. I don't need to know. What I need is for you to stop pushing me away."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"What do you think this is doing?" she snapped before pausing. Nick watched her look at her shoes, and toe at a rock stuck in the earth. She bit her lip and kicked it loose, watching it clatter away before hesitantly saying, "I didn't mention this before but after you apologized for the fight about Caliban, I performed a spell. It didn't work though; I assume it was because our powers were waning. But I went home, and I carved our names into two candles, tied them together by the wicks, and lit them, letting the cord burn apart."  
  
"Sabrina," he said in disbelief, knowing the exact meaning behind the spell. "You didn't."  
  
"I did. I didn't think I could handle trying to save the coven, stop the pagans, win the regalia, and be the queen of Hell all with a broken heart."  
  
"I don't know what to say."  
  
"I'm sorry but it just hurt too much when I already had too many people relying on me. But it wasn't just that," Sabrina added quietly. "I felt so guilty for everything that happened to you. You did it all for me, so I figured you were safer and better off without my love."  
  
"I feel the same way. I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way, but I need you to know that what happened to me wasn't your fault. I made my choice. I'd make it again if I had to," Nick said adamantly.  
  
He saw her shoulders tense as soon as the words left his lips. He didn't need telepathy to know she was thinking of the four words he'd uttered in the woods the night of the hare moon. Nick knew the words had hurt her; they were meant to but saying them broke something in him. He felt it knock loose like the stone in the earth, never to be made whole again. If she had gone so far as to try to erase her feelings for him, then maybe she had felt it too. If she really was thinking of the woods though, she gave no indication and said, "There was so much between us then, and I think you were right when you said we needed a break, but things are different now. Hell's in the rearview, for both of us."  
  
Nick shook his head before saying in a low voice, "You don't understand Sabrina. As much as I want to, as much as I've tried, I don't think I can leave Hell behind me. When I said I wasn't okay earlier, I meant it. I can barely even take care of myself right now."  
  
Sabrina took a step closer to him and said, "Then let me take care of you. I've been asking you over and over again to be strong for me and you've done a beautiful job. Now let me be strong for you, Nick, for the both of us. Please, don't shut me out, again. Please," she pleaded as she stepped closer and cupped his jaw in both of her hands.  
  
"Sabrina," Nick said, rapidly trying to blink away his tears. "I'm not back to normal. Things between us wouldn't go back to normal. I've stayed away because I thought given time, I'd go back to who I was, but I haven't," he said indignantly. "I remember what that felt like, and this... this isn't it. I don't know who I am anymore," he said, as a fat tear slid down his cheek.  
  
Sabrina promptly brushed it away with her thumb and said, "I know what it's like to suddenly not know who you are. My whole life I thought I was a witch, and then I found out I was something else. I got caught up in trying to be something I'm not, but you're what brought me back. I lost you and everyone else I love once and I won't let it happen again."  
  
"Sabrina..." he sighed, tears falling freely now. "I'm not okay. I don't- I just... You won't want me when you see. I'm-," he stumbled through his words, trying to explain to her he was embarrassingly unworthy of her forgiveness. "I'm going to let you down, again. I'm not the warlock you fell in love with," he finished in a whisper.  
  
"You are, Nick," she murmured, stroking his cheek softly. "You can't see it, but I can. I see you and I love you. I love you so much."  
  
Her face was so close that they shared breathes. A breeze blew through her platinum hair, wrapping him in her scent of vanilla and spice. Nick was so tired. His strength was fading with every passing day until he was nothing but a shadow of who he was, barely recognizable to even himself. Yet here she was saying she still saw him, telling him that despite all he's been through, despite all he's done, she still wanted him. He came to her broken, and she still accepted him. Nick knew hell, torment, and torture, but he'd known nothing as safe and strong as Sabrina. If anyone had enough strength for both of them, she did. "I love you too, Sabrina," he whispered, leaning into her touch as he placed a hand on her waist. Sabrina tilted her chin up and caught his lips in a tender kiss.  
  
Nick melted into the familiar warmth of Sabrina's body and for a moment it felt just like it did in February, when his heart was full of the fear and excitement of falling in love for the first time. Sabrina broke the kiss first and threw her arms around Nick, burying her face in the place where his neck met his shoulders. He held her close, lacing his fingers through her hair whispering, "I love you." Just holding her again filled his heart with a warmth he was sure had been snuffed out for good.  
  
Sabrina pulled away slightly and rested her forehead against Nick's. "I love you," he whispered again.  
  
"I love you, too," Sabrina said with a grin. Her breathy laugh tickled Nick's neck, and he felt a smile tug at his lips in return. He couldn't remember the last time he smiled like this.  
  
He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. Her lips immediately returned his passion, soft and hungry again his. She tasted sweet, like blueberries and maple syrup. Nick thought faintly that blueberry pancakes might be his new favorite food.  
  
They stayed like that for some time, just kissing and holding each other, their bodies fitting familiarly into the shape of one another, like two halves of a whole. Nick felt as if he was tarnished upon his return from Hell, but Sabrina's lips were positively lustral against his, cleansing and healing after decades of torture. It wasn't until a strong breeze flew a whirl of leaves at them that they broke apart. Nick immediately took Sabrina's hand, not wanting to lose his closeness to her as she looked up at him with a big bright smile. He plucked a leaf from her hair and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.  
  
"We should head back," she said with a shiver. "It's a little chilly."  
  
Nick quickly removed his heavy leather jacket and placed it on her shoulders before she could protest. Much to his delight, Sabrina just looked at her feet and smiled softly as she took his hand and walked down the trail from which they came.  
  
...  
  
Back in Sabrina's room, Nick thought it felt like the reunion they should have had when he first returned from Hell. It was the reunion they deserved, but on that first night in her bed it had been Nick, Sabrina, and Lucifer kissing. When she'd opened her mouth against his, Lucifer's influence spiked, growing and overpowering him. As if moving in a trance, Nick's tongue slid over Sabrina's and she shivered in his arms. He'd felt sick as he'd undressed her, watching his hands smooth up her pale legs without his permission to remove her pleated cheer skirt. The more skin he exposed, the more his head fogged, leaving him unable to separate his desires from Lucifer's. The thought of stripping off her floral cami and pink panties so that there was nothing left but her milky skin made Nick's heart pound but his stomach churn.  
  
That night she'd pushed his pants down his legs and kissed up his neck, pulling him close. He'd tried to push them the rest of the way off, but they snagged. Looking down to try to free them, Nick caught sight of his horrifically gnarled foot as his disoriented thoughts came to a screeching halt. He suddenly remembered the reason for his ambivalence; they weren't alone. Sabrina had said Lucifer was gone, but Nick knew better. He was still there, and the thought of anything happening between Nick and Sabrina while her father was still inside him was horrifying, to say the least. Despite being utterly exhausted from fighting Lucifer, Nick continued to resist. Luckily, Sabrina seemed to notice his sudden shift in enthusiasm and didn't push any further. She talked and held him instead, allowing Lucifer's hold to subside, which allowed Nick to fall into a fitful sleep, exhausted from waging a war of wills.  
  
It had been a violation for both of them. He occasionally wondered if Sabrina had ever realized the implications of the presence of the residue on the night of the soul transfer. Nick wasn't even sure what those implications meant exactly. He didn't know if Lucifer was aware of anything through the residue. He had mentioned nothing in the dungeons that would show so, but either way, it had been some part of Sabrina's father's soul manipulating Nick in those few days, tempting, pushing, and ultimately controlling him. Did she know her father had used her boyfriend's body like a puppet to fulfill his own sick wishes? Part of Nick hoped Sabrina would remain blissfully ignorant to her father's assault, but he knew her far too well to know that she'd want the truth if she hadn't figured it out on her own already. He'd have to bring it up with her one day, but for now, even just thinking about it twisted his stomach into tight knots and squeezed his chest in a vice grip that threatened to tip over into panic. Nick didn't want there to be any more secrets between him and Sabrina, but for now, it had to remain shamefully buried with all the other things that were far too painful for him to talk about.  
  
The two of them kissed and talked and held each other well into the afternoon. It wasn't until Sabrina's phone rang that they even remembered there was a world outside themselves. "That's probably Roz. I should get it," Sabrina said, reaching over Nick to pick up the yellow landline.  
  
He watched her closely while absently playing with the cord draped over his side as Sabrina talked. "Hello? Thank you! Happy Halloween! Yeah, for sure. No, Nick actually came over this morning," she said with a smile so sweet, Nick's heart fluttered in his chest. "It's a long story, but I'm not sure. He's still here. I think so, but I'll check. Okay, we'll talk about it later. See you tonight, bye," she said, handing Nick the receiver to hang back up.  
  
The moment he turned back around, Sabrina's lips were on his again. He wanted to let himself get lost in her for a while, but as soon as he settled into the kiss, Sabrina pulled away. She looked him in the eye with a guarded expression before asking, "Nick, what does this mean for us?"  
  
Perhaps she'd run eventually, but for that to happen he'd have to stop pushing her away. Nick answered her in a voice just above a whisper, "That we're back together, I hope."  
  
Sabrina smiled and kissed him, "Good."  
  
"I'm sorry about earlier," he blurted out.  
  
"Why?" Sabrina asked with a hint of worry in her voice.  
  
"For how intense things got. I'm not very good at apologies or at talking about my feelings, but I'm really trying. I've been told my lack of communication skills may have stemmed from being raised by a werewolf," Nick said with a humorous half-smile.  
  
"There's no way it could be that," Sabrina joked.  
  
"You're right, definitely something else," Nick said, kissing her nose.  
  
"For the record, I think you did a great job talking about your feelings, especially given the circumstances. You went through some intense stuff; that conversation was always going to be intense."  
  
"We both did. I mean, there are two of you. Now that's intense."  
  
"I suppose," she said dismissively before rapidly changing the subject. "Are you staying for my party tonight?"  
  
"I wouldn't miss my girlfriend's birthday party for the world," Nick said positively beaming at her.  
  
"I missed that," she said with a wide and toothy grin.  
  
Nick couldn't help but think she looked kind of dorky like that, with a smile so wide her nose crinkled and he could barely see her eyes. He dreamed about that smile, though he hadn't seen it in a very long time. He brought the back of his hand up to her round cheek and stroked it softly. "Me too, Spellman. Me too."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woooo last chapter! sorry it took so long. idk how i feel about it but I hope you like it !!

Sabrina's radiant smile persisted throughout the night and Nick couldn't have been happier to spend it bathing in the warm light of his girlfriend's bright grin as he twirled and dipped her under the colorful flashing lights on the dance floor.

_his girlfriend_

Nick hadn't seen a future for himself beyond the daunting obstacle of surviving each day, convinced he had nothing tying him to his life but a complicated and stiff friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Now, here she was, the only person he ever loved, with her arms wrapped around his neck and she was smiling up at _him_.

Her smile had faltered just once when she poured her first drink of the night and turned to Nick with a hesitant offer for one as well. He shook his head and held up the pop already in his hand, having decided hours ago that he wanted to remember every second of that day exactly the way it was. She didn't comment on his decision to not drink, but her smile returned as quickly as it had vanished.

Harvey had volunteered to drive everyone home at the beginning of the evening, but Nick had been feeling light-hearted and told the mortal not to worry about it. Since he wasn't drinking he could teleport everyone home and Harvey could enjoy himself. Harvey had played it cool but Nick still caught the way his eyes lit up at the mention of teleporting as he curiously poured a cup of beer. Nick snickered as his mouth turned up in a grimace at the taste before he put the drink down to never pick it back up again.

Sabrina was so beautiful, radiating a fire much brighter than the seventeen red candles atop a white cake that Roz and Theo brought out in front of her. Nick was quite alarmed when suddenly everyone gathered around her and sang a slow and slightly morbid song in unison before Sabrina took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and blew out the candles. He looked around the room with narrowed eyes as everyone around him cheered.

"You okay, dude?" asked Harvey.

"What the heaven was that?"

"What do you mean?" he asked looking at Nick strangely.

"That ritual, with the candles and the singing. What was it for?" Nick questioned, carefully studying how Sabrina began pulling the candles out of the cake, licking the frosting off the ends before she discarded them.

Harvey looked back and forth between Nick and the cake he was staring at so intensely. "You mean singing happy birthday?"

"Yeah, what does it do?" he asked.

Harvey laughed and said uncertainty, "It doesn't do anything. It's just how mortals say happy birthday." He paused for a moment before he added, "But you're supposed to make a wish before you blow out the candles."

"Oh okay, so it's a wishing ceremony," Nick said with a nod like he was beginning to understand. "Is the cake the offering?" Nick asked, watching as Theo handed Sabrina a slice.

"There's no offering. We eat the cake," Harvey said as if he wasn't sure that was the correct answer.

"Then how does it work?" Nick asked, shaking his head. "If there's no sacrifice how is she supposed to get her wish? Who's granting it and why the hell are they doing it for free?"

Harvey looked like he was growing a little confused as he balked for an answer. He eventually sighed and said, "There's nothing that makes it work. You just have to hope it comes true."

"Doesn't sound very effective," Nick commented, crossing his arms over his chest. His perplexed expression immediately melted away into something soft and sweet as Sabrina turned toward him, having already inhaled a slice of cake. He smiled and wiped a smudge of buttercream from her chin before sucking it off of his finger. She leaned heavily into his touch and let out a small hum of contentment as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Come on," Sabrina whispered in Nick's ear, taking him by the hand as she led him out of the crowded room and up the stairs. She walked him through the maze of a house until they reached her room. The music downstairs faded away to a muffled lull when she closed the door behind them and pushed him up against it, kissing him sloppily. Her lips were warm and tasted of birthday cake and light beer, a slightly unpleasant combination, but Nick didn't mind. She pressed the length of her body up against him before she gripped his shirt and walking them to her bed. The back of her knees bumped into her mattress and she toppled backward in a fit of giggles.

"Stupid shoes," she laughed too loudly. Though they'd drank together a few times, Nick had never really seen her tipsy like this. He toed off his boots and reached down to unfasten her blocky heels. They were taller than the ones she normally wore, giving her enough height to put them almost at the same eye level. He supposed she was feeling rather grown-up today on her seventeenth birthday, having indulged in too many grown-up drinks as she tripped over her grown-up shoes. "Hi," she giggled again as Nick joined her on the bed, laying down on his side so they were face to face.

"Hi," he said unable to keep a smile off his lips as caressed her hair gently. She was so fucking cute. Then she kissed him again, her lips moving drunkenly against his as she shifted to lay on top of him. Nick gently pushed her away from him but instead of stopping, Sabrina sat up and quickly began unbuttoning her dress.

"Hey, hold on. Stop. You don't have to do that," he said sitting up to place his hand over hers, halting her actions. "Let's just relax, okay?"

"You don't want me?" she asked with accusation in her tone.

"What? No, of course, that's not it," Nick said, shaking his head. "You've been drinking so you can't exactly consent. I thought that cofounder of WICCA would have been pretty adamant about that," he said brushing her hair behind her ear as he tried to ease the building tension.

"That's a very good reason," Sabrina sighed heavily and rolled off of him so she was back on her side. "Is that all though? Like if I wasn't drinking would you want to?"

"Would you?" He asked. When she didn't respond he added, "Or were you just being impulsive?"

"I'm not sure."

"I definitely don't want anything to happen unless you're absolutely sure and extremely sober," he said firmly. "I don't mind waiting."

"Don't you have... needs?" she asked awkwardly.

Nick tried his best to stifle a laugh. "I mean, yes but any needs I have I can take care of on my own, same as you," he said, watching a blush rise high on her cheeks. "I've gone this long without sex and I've yet to implode. I'm not in a rush, Spellman."

"When was the last time you had sex?" She asked bluntly. Nick wasn't sure she would have been able to ask him without hesitation if it wasn't for the alcohol. The last time they'd discussed such a topic, around Lupercalia, she had awkwardly substituted "certain things" in place of "sex." He'd have to see what she would say when she was sober again.

Nick faltered for his answer, despite the question being quite simple. He scrunched his face in uncertainty and nervously ran his hands through his hair, "If you want to count my visit to Dorian's when I first got back-"

"So if we can both agree that I can't consent because I'm a little drunk, then I don't get why you think you could when you were not only completely trashed, but also still possessed," she said raising her brows as she slipped into that bold, authoritative voice she wielded so well.

"Those are two completely different scenarios," Nick said, shaking his head.

"Exactly. You were in way, way less of a position to consent than I am now, therefore it doesn't count," she said with a finality in her tone that let Nick know he should move on despite his own conflicting feelings on the topic of his infidelity.

"Then like December, I think? Early January, maybe?" he said.

"That long ago?" she asked, clearly surprised. "You mean you didn't sleep with anyone when we broke up?"

"No," he was able to answer confidently. "Did you?"

"No!" she guffawed, propping herself up on her forearms. "You know that I didn't."

"I didn't know for sure. I assumed, but you assumed the opposite about me and you were wrong," he said lightly.

"That's different. I'm a virgin but you've slept with basically everyone in our coven but me," she said passively.

Nick felt his face fall, even though he knew it wasn't true. She must have seen the hurt in his expression because she quickly added, "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed but we were broken up for nearly six months so why wouldn't you have slept with anyone else?"

"Is that rhetorical or do you want an answer?"

"Kind of rhetorical but I kind of want to know but only if you want to tell me," she said tugging at the ends of her hair.

"I was still in a bit of a shock from... everything. I'm doing better but at the start, I barely left my bed so I wasn't exactly out trying to hook up. But mostly, it was because there was only one person I wanted."

"So you didn't date anyone?" Sabrina clarified with a smug little smile.

"No, I didn't. Did you?"

"No, but I did maybe get proposed to," Sabrina replied, playfully kicking her feet behind her.

"Like actually proposed to? Like a marriage proposal?" he asked, clearly caught off guard.

"No the other kind of proposal," she mocked, shaking her head at him.

"Well you just told me you didn't date anyone and correct me if I'm wrong, but typically dating comes before marriage proposals. Who even?" he said trailing off.

"Caliban kind of proposed the same day you and I broke up," Sabrina said.

"Of fucking course he did," Nick rolled his eyes. "I told you he was into you."

"He was just flirting to try to get in my head," Sabrina said dismissively. "But that doesn't mean I was interested."

"Not at all? He was a tall hot prince. You weren't even a little bit interested?" Nick questioned, raising a brow.

"No, but it sounds to me like you were," she quipped.

"No, but-" he started to say.

"But neither of us are blind so obviously we both noticed that he was objectively hot, yet here we both are, not interested in Caliban," she said.

"Okay, fine point taken. Now tell me exactly how you shot down the handsome prince of Hell's marriage proposal because you were still in love with me. Spare no detail," Nick said eagerly.

"Who said it was even about you?" Sabrina scoffed.

"Well obviously it was almost entirely because he was trying to steal your throne, you were 16, barely knew him, and you still had to go to school, but I'm sure at least a tiny bit of it was about me."

"So confident," Sabrina said rolling her eyes.

"You love hard, Spellman and you wear your heart on your sleeve."

She narrowed her eyes at him one final time before she sighed, flopping back on her bed. "It was really bad Nick," she confessed. "I cried in front of him."

"What? What happened?" Nick asked suddenly feeling very guilty that he'd made her cry in front of her political rival.

"He offered to help me change Roz back from stone if I listened to his policies. We found the Pygmalion spell and he told me the story and I don't know it was only a couple of hours after we broke up and I was having the longest day of my damned life. It was only a few tears but he still noticed."

"I'm so sorry. Did he say anything?" he asked, though he'd already run several ways a marriage proposal could have come from potentially being comforted by a beautiful prince and Nick didn't like any of them.

"He asked why I was crying and I just tried to move past it. Luckily he brought up his ideas and suggested we work together in the final challenge so we could align and rule together. I asked what he meant and he said we would get married. Clearly, I told him no and that our alliance would be strictly political. Then he seriously asks, ' _carnal_?'" she said mimicking Caliban's deep drawl.

Nick huffed out a laugh at her impression and the image he conjured up in his mind of her expression upon being so casually propositioned. He wished he could have seen Caliban's face when he got rejected by his tiny, fiery girlfriend.

"I shut him down, obviously and he asked why so I told him we just broke up. Then he was like ' _Well if you just broke up with your boyfriend?_ ' I said I didn't want to because we might get back together and one thing led to another he trapped me in a wall, I trapped him in a wall, and you and I got back together," she spouted off quickly with a wide grin.

"Yeah, we did. Fuck that guy," Nick said.

"Right? Fuck that guy! He's literally the worst!" she cackled.

"I heard Kinkle punched him in the face," Nick said with a snide grin.

"I slapped him twice in front of the hordes of Hell. Knocked Harod's crown right off his head," she said as her eyes lit up with what could only be the heat of well-deserved vengeance. Nick only hoped to get a fraction of that one day.

"I have never been more attracted to you, and I would love nothing more than to listen to how my beautiful girlfriend destroyed a prince of Hell made of dirt-"

"Clay," she corrected.

"Same thing but, don't you think your guests might miss you?"

"Who cares. They can wait. It's my birthday after all," she said flippantly.

"For 26 more minutes," Nick said looking at his watch

"On second thought maybe we should go back down," she sighed.

"Come on. You can tell me all about destroying your enemies later. We have all the time in the world," he whispered kissing her lightly on the forehead.

He stayed by her side for the rest of the night. As the moon danced across the sky, the guests slowly trickled out the door and in the earliest hours of the morning only the fright club was left drunk and hungry in the Spellman's kitchen chowing down on Hilda's sweets. Sabrina laid her head on Nick's shoulder as her friends chatted around a tray of brownies they were rapidly devouring.

By now the fright club was sleepy and sluggish as they said their goodbyes to Sabrina in the parlor. Nick took Robin and Theo home first and returned for Roz a few seconds later. Holding her hand he teleported her to her room. Just as he was saying goodbye Roz said, "This was the happiest I've seen her in a long time, Nick. I know you love her but you better not hurt my girl."

His chest felt tight. He wanted to tell her he wouldn't. He wanted to promise that he could protect her best friend from anything that might dare hurt her, but he couldn't promise that. Making promises he couldn't keep just sounded like a way to be a liar and a failure when this inevitably blew up in his face. Instead, Nick just nodded and whispered goodnight to Roz before disappearing into thin air.

Lastly, Nick took home the mortal, telling Sabrina he'd be back to say goodbye in a moment as Harvey bounced on the balls of his feet next to him.

"You didn't even drink. Can't you drive home?" Sabrina asked.

"And pass up the chance to teleport?" Harvey scoffed.

"You can not teleport. You can _be_ teleported," Nick corrected him.

"We kind of teleported out of Hell," Sabrina said.

"Doesn't count. We were crossing realms and it wasn't instantaneous," Harvey explained.

"He's actually right about that one," Nick remarked as Sabrina made a face at him. He winked at her before he vanished and reappeared a few seconds later, right behind where she had been and wrapped his arms around her.

She jumped in alarm and turned her head to see Nick. "Don't do that!" she laughed.

"Did I scare you? he asked, kissing her cheek.

"No," she said with a feigned scowl. "You're just lucky I look before I hex."

"I'm very lucky," he replied, falling ever so slightly back into his old playful and flirtatious self around her. Sabrina just enclosed him in a hug, leaning heavily against his chest as she shut her eyes and swayed them gently side to side, making Nick think that he should probably help her to bed.

He took Sabrina up to her room and fetched her a glass of water while she changed into her pajamas. When he returned, she had just started pulling back the covers on her bed. He handed her the water, gently instructing, "Drink." 

"How are you feeling?" he asked, studying her closely, smiling faintly as he noticed that she misaligned the buttons on her top. "Do you feel sick at all?"

"No, just sleepy," she said as she set the empty glass down and climbed under the blankets.

"Good, but sleep on your side just in case and drink some more water when you get up," he said.

"Was today a dream?" Sabrina asked, buried under a heavy quilt.

"Do you dream of me often?" Nick asked with a smile, to which she answered with a nod. "Are they good dreams?"

Sabrina shook her head saying, "Not usually."

"I didn't think so. I dream of you all the time, and they start out good, but they all end badly. I'm still here with you, though, which makes me think it was too good to have been a dream," he said softly stroking her hair.

"I really wish this was real," she mumbled, closing her eyes.

"I'll let you know for sure in the morning," he said, kissing her forehead. He turned to the empty glass on her nightstand and magically refilled it and even muttering an incantation to keep it cold for her. "Goodnight, I love you," Nick whispered, but Sabrina had already fallen asleep.

With a smile on his lips, he walked to her desk and scribbled out a quick note that he left propped up against the glass reading, "It wasn't a dream."

Nick felt giddy as he hopped down the steps on his way out. He took a deep breath of crisp air and flicked his wrist behind him to shut the door. He couldn't count how many times he had teleported to this very spot over the summer, just standing on the Spellman's porch, trying and failing to find the courage to finally face Sabrina. He'd always leave almost as quickly as he'd arrived, but today, he'd finally stayed.

He started down the dirt road replaying the details of the day in his head starting with Sabrina's red lips whispering soft I love you's. The feel of her fingers on his jaw as she kissed him for the first time in months and the way her face was lit by candlelight as the flames reflected in her eyes played in his head. Nick found himself wondering what it was she had wished for. Maybe it was that today was real like she said in her room. Was it narcissistic to think that her wish might have been about him? He hoped it wasn't, but if he had a wish, he knew for certain that it would have been about Sabrina.

The day was too surreal to have not happened, since most of Nick's days had been the same repetitive hell of dread and anxiety since he left her. He wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep that night, but at least it would be for a more pleasant reason than the usual ones. He could stay up all night, the way he normally did, and think of these memories he'd just made. Lucifer didn't have those, and he never would. These belonged to him and Sabrina, and only them.

Standing by the yellow sign at the end of the dirt road, Nick looked back up at the Spellman house up on the hill. Most likely this would end like one of Nick's nightmares, where Sabrina either ended up hating him, dead, or worse, but he wished with everything he had that it wouldn't. There was no sacrifice, magic words, or strange mortal song, just all of the love he had and the fragile flame of hope Sabrina had managed to reignite in him. He couldn't let this end like one of his nightmares. He wouldn't let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I would have guessed that Nick would have fucked around with other witches but in an insta post someone asked gavin leatherwood if Nick would hook up with Dorcas given the chance and he was like pre-Sabrina, obviously, but post-Sabrina no. His words were "His heart belongs to her and only her" so I guess I'll take his word for it and wrote it accordingly lol

**Author's Note:**

> On some theories:  
> Nick glances at the statue of Satan a couple of times in the scene where he gives Sabrina the journal. I know it's soon but I think he was under the dark lord's influence since near the beginning of the series.  
> As far as Amalia being released goes, it doesn't make sense for Nick's rabid familiar to suddenly cross an ocean to get to him because he has a girlfriend. It does, however, make sense for it to happen because Nick disobeyed the dark lord. In the previous episode, Nick asks Sabrina about her devotions and she tells him she didn't actually go through with what Satan asked. This makes me think Nick started getting some ideas about being dishonest with the dark lord, making him retaliate by releasing Amalia both times.


End file.
